Retrace the Steps We Took When We Met Worlds Away...

If only things could've been different....I miss the past...I miss the "what could have been...". Now I'm chained to my thoughts again. To be by your side once again...now...I'm just...lost...lonely...depraved...depressed... counting backwards....No one else has ever felt like home like you...I just replay your voice, it's like your here once again...Can't fall asleep knowing I'm all alone...the world seems less populated...every subtle thing screams your name, reminded of the words shared between us...no one can replace you...not you...I just want to go back and change everything...to have met you earlier...but no it's impossible...we're just world's away...I'm here...and your there...all this time I thought what I did was enough...

I kicked myself out of your life. I hope you understand. It's painful to stay and know what's going on...it's more painful to leave knowing I betrayed my word to you...I'm sorry...wish there could have been something in the future...I don't regret any of the words I said to you...yea your worth it. I hope you find the happiness you  we're looking for...

“Tears are words the heart can't express”

“You can shed tears that she is gone, 
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, 
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on....” - David Harkin

“If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.”  

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart..I'll always be with you.” – Winnie the Pooh

I'm glad you came into my life...maybe...maybe things change....maybe there is some hope for you and me....maybe...cuz the story ain't over...no...we still got breath in our lungs...song's not over yet... but maybe that's just my optimism...


...I'll just replay those words you once said over the phone...even now...I smile...I replay your words in my mind...you moved the Earth around me...but now stars are falling...

The Broken Heart, the Deprivation, and Hope

Sorry that I've like not written in a while. So this post is for all my peeps that like to read my stuff...even though I only have like 1 follower lol....ya never know what God will do to talk to you, just like I ran into a random girl in LOBH and read her post on this site and I knew God somehow got me to read a post that I really needed to read...so here's to anyone who no longer has a best friend....


I lost a best friend. No I don't mean they died. I mean I just don't have one anymore...again...Me and her were really close...we cared about each other in a more than just friend way...now...I'm left in the dirt while she is finally happy with someone else...It hurts, ya know. Losing someone you cared so much, after so many words were shared, after secrets no one else could know where shared...It takes a long time to build a friendship, to trust, to love one another...and it only takes so little for it to shatter. I'm hurt, angry...not so much at her, but at myself...the feeling of loneliness is depressing...I was head over heels...she was everything I loved, not your average girl. The flower and the thorn. The flaws didn't keep me away. In this life you were the feeling of belonging, all that was fair in love and war.


"When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal."  - Author Unknown


I think the whole long distance thing wouldn't have worked out anyways...but it was something I was willing to fight for. I don't regret telling her how I felt that night...I did it for what I believe is a good reason...I didn't wanted her to be used by some guy...after all that's what a best friend does...looks out after you...but no my feelings weren't enough...


"Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated."  - Lamartine


I've have a bunch of "friends". On Facebook I have 264...only maybe...like.... 5% are actually somewhat real friends. Probably not even 5%, probably like 2%. All I've ever really wanted was a real friend, a best friend that wouldn't vanish over time...I've been searching...felt like giving up till she came along...now...it's back to searching...I'll find them...the real true friends...I know there out there...they're the needles in this haystack world...

Maybe God...maybe...he wanted me to let go of her...maybe...he has a whole different plan for what I envisioned  having with her...I hope so...maybe there is someone coming...maybe that girl I dreamt of is still on her way coming to turn my world right side up...sent by Him? Maybe I'm just a dummy right now because of my emotions and I'm just saying things to try and cheer me up...but I do believe God has something better in store for me...that this feeling of lonesomeness will finally go away...that a real friend...real friends...sent by God for me will come around and stick like crazy glue...that I'll be head over heels again...


"A heartbreak is a blessing from God.  It's just his way of letting you realize he saved you from the wrong one."  - Author Unknown

Yea the skies may turn blood red, but I'll sing in the eye of the storm cuz my love can't be silenced. Yea the storm around me will pass, there might be destruction all around me but relief will come to me. All your dead end fury is not enough!

Why Life and Love and Why?

"Life and Love and Why" It's by Switchfoot. I honestly wanted to come up with this super awesome cool name for this blog so I literally sat down for like a billion hours trying to think of something. I sat down and decided to listen to music...I'm like a Switchfoot addict...In fact I'm listening to the album "The Legend of Chin"....haha anyways...I sat down and played all their songs. Including one's that were never released (like: The Story of A Man Named Pride, or Mercy's War) See I'm like addicted...hahaha anyways back on topic...so as I was saying I was listening to them as I tried to come up with a name when 'Life and Love and Why' come up. I thought it would fit perfectly with this blog so I named it after the song. 

Lyrics: 

Life and love and why 
Child adult then die 
All of your hoping and all of your searching for what?
Ask me for what am I living and what gives me strength that i'm willing to die for 

Take away from me this monstrosity 
'Cause my futile thinking's not gonna solve nothing tonight 
Ask me for what am I living and what gives me strength that I'm willing to die for 

Could it be this?
Could it be bliss?
Could it be all that I ever had missed?
Could it be true?
Can life be new?
And can I be used?
Can I be used?

Give me a reason for life and for death 
And a reason for drowning while I hold my breath 
Something to laugh at a reason to cry 
With everyone hopeless and hoping for something to hope for 
Yeah, with something to hope for 

Could it be true?
Can life be new?
Could it be all that I am is in You?
Could it be this?
Could it be bliss?
Can it be You?
Can it be You? 

Why are we here? What's the meaning to life? Can you God be the one thing that fulfills me? To give me a purpose, a meaning? Are you the answer to life? Love? The answer to why everything seems to crumble away and fall apart? can I be made new despite the monstrosity I am? Can it be You, not me not anything this world has to offer? Can it be You? 

"Then Jesus turned to his disciples: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" Matthew 16: 24-26  

We are found in him. We're give a reason to live and to die. He'll makes us new. He is the hope that shines brightly in the darkness.  We'll just lose ourselves if we try to satisfy ourselves with what this world has to offer us. He is the answer to life, to love, to why everything happens the way it happens. We're hopeless people looking for hope in all the places where there is no hope when along all that we need is You! You are the answer to all. It's not in us, it's in You and placed in us by You. You give us peace when we're in the eye of the hurricane. You give us hope, love, a place to call home. Your love is strong, it's a song that makes a melody out of the song we'veforgotten. It will always be You and we'll always be yours.

The Dollar Menu

What if you could take a pig and turn it into a human? What if by some means you could do that? Example: You take a pig. A pig on a farm would eat leftovers or whatever it was given. Now take that pig that eats filth and turn it into a man. Now take 2 plates. 1 plate filled with the filth it used to eat as a pig. The 2nd with fine cuisine from a fancy restaurant. Which would it eat? Plate 1. Why? Yes the pig was turned into a human, but it still retain it's behavior as a pig. What now? This pig turned human will eat the filth over and over again. Then...die. It's body is no longer that of a pig so it's body can't breakdown the filth and gain necessary nutrients needed to live on.

We were like that pig; but we've become a new being. We are no longer the mess we were before. We've been given a new way to be human. We can no longer eat from what this world has to offer. If we do, we will die and return to the dirt that we came from. We have to dine on the heavenly food given to us by our Father. What food is that you may be wondering? It's elementary my dear reader. Prayer, Reading the Bible, Fasting, and things like that. So let's stop eating that cheap food from the dollar menu of the world and let's eat that fine meal made for us instead.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV) 

**I didn't come up with this thought, someone told my brother (Probably our Pastor) and then my brother used it during Bible Study a while ago and it was stuck in my noggin so I decided to share this thought in my own way**

Lost Signal?

“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.” - Gandhi

Prayer. A part in my life that I am trying to improve. Praying to God when I wake up thanking him for another day of life that he has so willingly given to someone like me. Praying for forgiveness for the wrongs I commit daily. Praying to be guided down the right path. Praying for His love to be strong through the thunder clouds around me. All this in a 5 or so minute prayer. So little time that I give. 

I was on the site "Land of Broken Hearts" reading the latest post on my all time favorite band that just manages to connect to me in the majority of their songs; while reading i scrolled down to read any comments. I found one by this girl and it was the very first one I believe. I don't know why but I felt this need to click on her name that lead to a link. It lead to her blog on this site. As I read it...it was...captivating...It was about prayer..how we need to have that 1-on-1 with the Big Man. I was just giving the Big Man that on the go prayer and not taking some of my time to actually talk to him about everything that bothers me. I was always saying to myself how I would eventually get around to having that 1-on-1. I kept postponing that, letting other things get in the way...

I no longer wanted to postpone that 1-on1....I used to give an hour or more to him...I was on fire once...on fire....and I let so many things get in the way....from time to time I would give more than just 5 mins...but only when I was so in need...I was wrong to do that in just those moments...I had begun to doubt...to walk away from the eternal life that was promised to me...I threw it all away...and yet even now...He had just called me and told me to come back, that he'd forgive me....even when I was unfaithful to him he was leading me back....

"Hear, O Lord, my righteous plea; listen to my cry. Give ear to my prayer...." Pslam 17:1

I didn't pray right away..,I decided to listen to my all time favorite band...Home by Switchfoot...I just was overcome with this need to talk to him and have that 1-on-1 right away..so I did..although...it was 5 mins...I was interrupted and I lost the will to pray. Honestly I was. After that I had to leave the sanctuary of my room to take care of the tasks at hand. Now I'm back. I've set myself a task to return to that place, the place where everything is made right, the place where I can have my 1-on-1 with the Big Man. I think we all come across this point in our life. Where we just stop with the communication with Him. Whatever it may have been that kept us from that 1-on-1 we end up just losing that communication, we're in an area in our life where there is no reception no full bars just a lost signal. We're lost without him. We need to call him to be find our way. To find our way out of this world that doesn't hold our interests, our hearts, our life, our soul.  So now...I'm gonna end this hear...and I'm gonna give him that call...and have that 1-on-1 that is so desperately needed in me. 


"Grant that I may not pray alone with the mouth; help me that I may pray from the depths of my heart" - Martin Luther

Never-Ending Cycle of Change

Time flies by so quickly we don't notice
Or is it us that flies past time without a moments notice?
Whatever the answer may be, we can all agree that...
We all experience change inside of us.
The ups and downs, the highs and lows,
The true and false friends, 
From the the breaking news to the latest music video on MTV.
Both good change and bad change.
Change in attitude, fashion, tastes in music, etc.
Amazing is it not? How we, how everything turns out the way it is over time.
No longer are we the kids who woke up to watch Saturday morning cartoons.
No longer are we the kids who were taken miles away by pure imagination.
No longer are we the kids satisfied by toy racing cars or tiaras.
No longer are we the kids who used to pretend they could become they're favorite super-hero or super-heroine.
No longer is life as simple as we thought.
It's like Bob Dylan says in his song..."The Times They Are A-Changin'"
We've changed and will continue to change over time.
What will we become over time?








So I wrote this for my class last semester....just a thought about how we change and keep changing. Hope anyone who reads this likes it haha Feedback is welcomed! So...yea...hahaha